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The law of sowing and reaping
(Dr James Dobson: -focus on the family)
Discern the motive behind the misbehavior.
Children often act out as a result of family stress,
such as a move or a divorce. To discover the cause of a
misbehavior, say to your child, “I want to understand why
you do such and such. Are you angry or hurt about something?
How should we respond the next time that happens?”
Save consequences for serious offenses. Even
though we all need flexibility and understanding, if someone
uses excuses for every fault, they are no longer excuses,
but rationalizations.
Make consequences a natural outflow of the crime.
For example, if a child perpetually comes late to dinner,
she misses meals.
Give immediate consequences. A good rule of
thumb: the younger the child, the more immediate the
consequences. With very young children, a firm no, a
time-out, isolation, a swat on the behind or removal from
the situation can work wonders.
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Equip
yourself to know and recognise child behaviour
• Choose natural consequences
when possible. If a child refuses to prepare for a test,
stop nagging and allow him to face the consequences – even
if it means a failing grade. By choosing a natural
consequence, parents allow the child’s actions to cause a
consequence. The only caution here is that you have to know
that your children are capable of doing the tasks you’re
allowing them to fail at. If your child has a learning
disability, then pulling back academic support is not the
best way to help.
• Don’t rescue your child. Watching your child break a rule
or fail can be painful for parents, but when parents always
swoop in at the last minute to rescue their children from
impending mistakes, they’re actually preventing the children
from developing self-discipline and self-confidence. They’re
also sending the message that they don’t think their
children are capable of tackling challenges.
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