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Dr James Dobson
(focus on the family)
The law of sowing and reaping
This law deals with consequences. Many parents misapply the
law by using punitive consequences, such as getting angry,
sending guilt messages, nagging and withdrawing love.
Instead, moms and dads should employ what we call “reality
consequences,” which include pain or losses of time, money,
possessions, things enjoyed and people valued. Reason:
Reality consequences yield long-term results; punitive
consequences don’t. To use reality consequences in your
parenting, try these suggestions:
Discern the motive behind the misbehavior.
Children often act out as a result of family stress, such as
a move or a divorce. To discover the cause of a misbehavior,
say to your child, “I want to understand why you do such and
such. Are you angry or hurt about something? How should we
respond the next time that happens?”
Save consequences for serious offenses. Even though we all
need flexibility and understanding, if someone uses excuses
for every fault, they are no longer excuses, but
rationalizations. Employ consequences only after reasoning,
talking and warning fail.
Make consequences a natural outflow of the crime. For
example, if a child perpetually comes late to dinner, she
misses meals. If she doesn’t do her chores, she loses a
privilege the rest of the family enjoys. If she doesn’t say
where she is going, she stays home next time.
Give immediate consequences. A good rule of thumb: the
younger the child, the more immediate the consequences. With
very young children, a firm no, a time-out, isolation, a
swat on the behind or removal from the situation can work
wonders.
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Bob Brooks, Harvard expert
says...
• Choose natural consequences when possible. If a child
refuses to prepare for a test, stop nagging and allow him to
face the consequences – even if it means a failing grade. By
choosing a natural consequence, parents allow the child’s
actions to cause a consequence. The only caution here is
that you have to know that your children are capable of
doing the tasks you’re allowing them to fail at. If your
child has a learning disability, then pulling back academic
support is not the best way to help.
• Don’t rescue your child. Watching your child break a rule
or fail can be painful for parents, but when parents always
swoop in at the last minute to rescue their children from
impending mistakes, they’re actually preventing the children
from developing self-discipline and self-confidence. They’re
also sending the message that they don’t think their
children are capable of tackling challenges.
http://www.parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=5710
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